I found this on one of my forums and I had to share...It's pretty dang funny!! (Maybe not for the boys...but for us girls...it sure hits home!!)
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f-orever kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullcrap. And that's a promise I will keep.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
April Showers bring....
RAIN!!!
Gotta love the rain though...it makes the flowers, trees and the grass just grow and grow...which in turn, makes my husband play out in the yard more and more.
He went to Alaska for almost a week to do store resets. The Sunday morning that I went to the airport to get him, we came home and slept for a couple more hours since it was so early. After he brought me my coffee and newspaper, he was putting on his slippers...and I asked him where he was off to? I figured that he would snuggle with me a bit since he had been gone. Nope...his reply was..."I have to go check out my yard!!" Hmmm...I guess sometimes, the other love of your life comes second. :) I tell him all the time that he really IS his mothers son!! He planted roses along the fence in our back yard a couple of weekends ago. And there he was, tape measure in hand, making sure that all of these roses were exactly the same space from the fence to the spacing being apart from one another. Don't get me wrong...I think it's totally awesome that he is...well...anal about the whole thing. Me...I dig a hole, put em in the ground...and watch them (no, make it pray) that they grow. Domestic outside goddess I am not!! Domestic Goddess...Sheesh...sounds like an oxymoron to me!!
Well, I have another OB appointment today...which I am glad to say, is with the midwife Alissa again. At my last appointment with Dr. Hall, I showed her my blood pressures from the last 2 weeks, and she was kind enough to tell me that they all looked really good, and that if I really wanted to, I could be seen by the mid-wife. YAY!! I was and am very excited for this. I am honestly not sure what the allure of the midwife is to me, but it's pretty strong, since I was so disappointed that I was going to have to go with the Dr. before. Dr. Hall did say though that if my blood pressure went up consistently, then I would have to go back to her for the rest of the pregnancy. I have all but cut out the salt shaker...I now make a salt free taco seasoning (have you really LOOKED at the sodium levels in some prepackaged items???) and also am dabbling in spaghetti sauce...however, that hasn't gone so good. It's just downright bland...Anyone have any ideas for a low salt spaghetti sauce? I even bought some jarred sauce that had way less sodium in it than the other kinds...and it too was bland.
Kivu is about 98-99% potty trained. There are three things I want you to know about him...
#1-He can clear a room, car, small barn, massive high rise hotel, etc. with his gas!! True story!!
#2-With him being 98-99% potty trained, I think he mostly has his accidents when we are not paying attention to him. Case in point...Michael had a bad bloody nose yesterday to where he was bent over the toilet...blood all around...bleeding. So, as I was attempting to clean him up, and Ashlyn getting a petite size tampon to put up his nose to stop the bleeding (yes, it does work!!) Kivu looked at us...and decided it was his time to pee. AAAGGGHHHHH!!!! And then again, Kent and I were talking in the bar, and Kivu again decides since we are paying him no mind..."I think I will pee!!" GRRRRRR!!!!! And these times were AFTER he had already been out...and WENT POTTY!! Other than times like this...he is really a good dog. He can get rambunctious while playing and bite your fingers a little too hard...but hey...can't all dogs dot this??
And #3- I can't remember what it was I wanted to tell you about him. Chalk it up to preggo brain!!
So I have taken up a new hobby...I LOVE TO BEAD!! (As in..make jewelry!!) I am slowly building up a beading collection...but man oh man!! I thought fabric was expensive...well...not when some pendants or beads are about 10 bucks a piece!! So, that is why it is so much better to save your money...purchase your one item...and build your necklace, bracelet, etc. AROUND that item. The seed beads and smaller beads are not too terrible when it comes to price...but say you wanted 10 lady bug beads...and they are .80 cents each...well...that puts you already $8.00 into your piece of jewelry...and that's without anything else...the wire, the spacers, the clasp...you get my point. Maybe I need a hobby that does not need money to do it?? Any ideas? (Cleaning my house DOES NOT CONSTITUTE a hobby!!)
OK...that's all for now...
Gotta love the rain though...it makes the flowers, trees and the grass just grow and grow...which in turn, makes my husband play out in the yard more and more.
He went to Alaska for almost a week to do store resets. The Sunday morning that I went to the airport to get him, we came home and slept for a couple more hours since it was so early. After he brought me my coffee and newspaper, he was putting on his slippers...and I asked him where he was off to? I figured that he would snuggle with me a bit since he had been gone. Nope...his reply was..."I have to go check out my yard!!" Hmmm...I guess sometimes, the other love of your life comes second. :) I tell him all the time that he really IS his mothers son!! He planted roses along the fence in our back yard a couple of weekends ago. And there he was, tape measure in hand, making sure that all of these roses were exactly the same space from the fence to the spacing being apart from one another. Don't get me wrong...I think it's totally awesome that he is...well...anal about the whole thing. Me...I dig a hole, put em in the ground...and watch them (no, make it pray) that they grow. Domestic outside goddess I am not!! Domestic Goddess...Sheesh...sounds like an oxymoron to me!!
Well, I have another OB appointment today...which I am glad to say, is with the midwife Alissa again. At my last appointment with Dr. Hall, I showed her my blood pressures from the last 2 weeks, and she was kind enough to tell me that they all looked really good, and that if I really wanted to, I could be seen by the mid-wife. YAY!! I was and am very excited for this. I am honestly not sure what the allure of the midwife is to me, but it's pretty strong, since I was so disappointed that I was going to have to go with the Dr. before. Dr. Hall did say though that if my blood pressure went up consistently, then I would have to go back to her for the rest of the pregnancy. I have all but cut out the salt shaker...I now make a salt free taco seasoning (have you really LOOKED at the sodium levels in some prepackaged items???) and also am dabbling in spaghetti sauce...however, that hasn't gone so good. It's just downright bland...Anyone have any ideas for a low salt spaghetti sauce? I even bought some jarred sauce that had way less sodium in it than the other kinds...and it too was bland.
Kivu is about 98-99% potty trained. There are three things I want you to know about him...
#1-He can clear a room, car, small barn, massive high rise hotel, etc. with his gas!! True story!!
#2-With him being 98-99% potty trained, I think he mostly has his accidents when we are not paying attention to him. Case in point...Michael had a bad bloody nose yesterday to where he was bent over the toilet...blood all around...bleeding. So, as I was attempting to clean him up, and Ashlyn getting a petite size tampon to put up his nose to stop the bleeding (yes, it does work!!) Kivu looked at us...and decided it was his time to pee. AAAGGGHHHHH!!!! And then again, Kent and I were talking in the bar, and Kivu again decides since we are paying him no mind..."I think I will pee!!" GRRRRRR!!!!! And these times were AFTER he had already been out...and WENT POTTY!! Other than times like this...he is really a good dog. He can get rambunctious while playing and bite your fingers a little too hard...but hey...can't all dogs dot this??
And #3- I can't remember what it was I wanted to tell you about him. Chalk it up to preggo brain!!
So I have taken up a new hobby...I LOVE TO BEAD!! (As in..make jewelry!!) I am slowly building up a beading collection...but man oh man!! I thought fabric was expensive...well...not when some pendants or beads are about 10 bucks a piece!! So, that is why it is so much better to save your money...purchase your one item...and build your necklace, bracelet, etc. AROUND that item. The seed beads and smaller beads are not too terrible when it comes to price...but say you wanted 10 lady bug beads...and they are .80 cents each...well...that puts you already $8.00 into your piece of jewelry...and that's without anything else...the wire, the spacers, the clasp...you get my point. Maybe I need a hobby that does not need money to do it?? Any ideas? (Cleaning my house DOES NOT CONSTITUTE a hobby!!)
OK...that's all for now...
Friday, April 17, 2009
It's been almost a month since I last blogged!!
Yes, it has been almost a month since I last blogged!! WOW!! Guess I am either busy...or I have nothing to say. HAHA!!
Let's see...where to begin.
The last time I blogged, it was all about Kivu...our English Bulldog. Well, I will still insist that you read more about him...as he really is a fabulous dog. He turned 13 weeks old as of April 13th...We have our good potty days...and our bad potty days. I sometimes feel like we take 3 steps forward, and 2 steps back...only to take a couple more steps forward...and 50 million steps back. Well...not really THAT many steps back...but you get the picture. Sometimes, I feel like if we have not paid attention to him for at least 15 minutes, then he will pee pee...and wow!! Mom DOES NOT like it when he pee pee's in the house. But...it's life...right? Heaven forbid someone yell at me if I should pee pee in my pants (insert pregnancy sneeze, cough, laugh etc. here!!) Seriously...I am not THAT bad (yet!!)
In other news...last night, Ashlyn was awarded a certificate for high achieving students from Portland State University. If she attends PSU, then they will also give her a $1000.00 scholarship for going there. Now I know that a thousand bucks doesn't go very far when it comes to college...but a thousand bucks is a thousand bucks, right? Might take care of her books at least. Here is a picture from last night...Makes a momma proud...I tell ya!!
Ashlyn has changed what she wants to be many times since Kindergarten. But didn't we all? Her most recent declaration, was that she was going to be a pastry chef. That would mean, she would need to go "somewhere" for her schooling...meaning, probably not here. ACK!! But, her mind has changed...and she now wants to be a dentist. WOW!! From making peoples teeth bad with all her delicious pastries (or was that making peoples butts bigger??) to making peoples teeth pretty...All in a days work!!The pregnancy is going really well. We just hit our 25th week...and I feel like time is really flying!! I don't know IF J and T feel the same way...but their baby will be in their arms before they know it!! Heath Edward is his name...and boy...he is very active. I was at the Oregon City High League (which is kind of like finals...trying to get to state...) Anyways, for the most part, all of these choirs sing Acapella...and I tell you...Heath was very active while I was sitting there listening to them sing. Last night, before we got ready to go to PSU with Ashlyn, I was resting on my bed...and I straightened the dress that I was wearing, and Kent got to see Heath kick a couple of times. I feel him all the time, but for someone to see him kick...it was really cool.
Kent flies to Alaska on Monday to do resets. Wishing I could go with him...but geez louise!! Do you even want to know how much it would have cost for me to fly there? Oh...about $800 bucks!! YIKES!! I will eventually get there one day...(the reason it would have been so expensive, is because there are several flights that he has to take...because he is in different places doing the resets.) Besides...I have kiddo's here...and I am going to house sit for J and T while they are in Hawaii. Sadly, their suitcase just is not big enough for me!! :)
OK...well...I should go since we are having our neighbors over for dinner...wonder what they taste like? Just kidding..."but that, my children, is called cannibalism, and is infact frowned upon in most cultures."
Till next time...I leave you with a couple more pics of Kivu...(Gosh...not that I am proud or anything!!)
Oh, and one more thing...I would like to ask for prayers, good thoughts, and general well being for 3 people in my life. My father-in-law is having some tests run...which should be back anytime now...to see why he is retaining so much fluid. They don't know if it's connected to his Parkinson's, and I really hope that it isn't and that the tests turn out ok.
The second person I would like you to think about is my mom...she fell into a pothole at work a week ago...and broke her left ankle and also has either a very bad sprain or a hairline fracture in the right ankle. Talk about getting off on a bad foot!! (Excuse the pun!!) She will be off of work for at least 6 weeks...and she lives to work...so please think of her. And lastly, think about my step-dad...he had the stroke and is doing good, but with mom's fall...he was having chest pains, so he was in the hospital for 3 days. His heart checked out OK...but they are just having a time. So if you could keep these people in your thoughts...I would so appreciate it. Thanks!!
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